We asked some of our staff and Dream Team to write a letter to their “March 1st Selves”. There’s something healing about taking time to acknowledge both the pain and the joys of this season, and constructing them into a meaningful narrative. This has been a hopeful exercise, and we hope you enjoy reading them as we post them over the next little while. If you’re up for it, grab a pen and paper and try writing one to yourself! What comes up may surprise you. - Relate
Dear Alleya,
I know that it’s a full-on Sunday with you setting up the Fast Track, making drinks at the coffee bar and cheering Brandon on from the front row, but I need you to take a moment to read what I’ve got to say. First of all, I’m sorry to have to tell you this as I know your world is just starting to look normal. It’s been a rollercoaster since Dad passed but you’ve been strong, and God has been so close. You should know that in the next few days, not just your world, but the whole world is going to change. It might look scary at first, but your eyes will be opened, and you’ll see God like never before. What you’ve heard in the news about China, well that’s coming here. At first you’re not going to grasp the extent of it, and then it’s going to feel a little overwhelming, but I promise you it does get better. With the changing of so many things like your job, your interactions with people and most of all your presumed idea of normal, you’re going to need to make room to grow. I’m learning this now, so it’s best to make you aware, that our brains are operating in a state of “error” in this time. You’ll experience weird dreams, trouble sleeping and hyper-sensitive emotions, and you’ll lack the ability to concentrate. All of the luxuries we assume as ordinary will be unavailable for an unknown amount of time. Honestly, I know it’s a lot to hear, but there is gold on the other side. Not that this is over, I’m still in it, but once the disillusionment of fear dissipates, you’re going to see everything from a new perspective.
Take a breath for a minute, as I know that’s a lot to take in. I want you to look around the church today and notice all the little things. Take note of the way people embrace one another, the sound of chatter in the foyer, the shaking of hands during meet and greet, the bass in your chest during worship, the communal press during the pastor’s word. All of these things we so easily mistake for normal, you’re going to grieve in the coming weeks. Sundays now might be the best and the hardest of all the days in the week. You see, we will switch all services to online gatherings. Thank the Lord for the internet and all of the ways we can connect with people but know that it’s just not the same. There is this tool we use called Zoom and it allows us to virtually meet with one another. I know you’re wondering, “what happened to Skype?” But nobody really knows. It’s so different from meeting in person, but at least it does give us the ability to see each other.
That fear I mentioned earlier, that won’t come right away. You’ll underestimate the chaos that will ensue with this pandemic. You won’t fear the virus and you won’t be afraid of getting sick, but you’ll worry for those in your world who might. You’ll be afraid of the term “indefinite,” because for some reason everyone is using that word even though there is so much negative connotation around it. Fear has a way of either pulling us away from God or pushing us towards God. I am so grateful that He is the foundation you build your life upon, and for that reason fear will point you to God. It creates almost a desperation on the inside of you to be near to God, to be with Him. Now that’s not to say things don’t get foggy with fear and it’s hard to navigate what you’re feeling, but at the end of the day, I know that I know that I know God is with me, He is for me and He is working things out for my good, and yours.
It’s been a strange time to grieve the loss of Dad as well as the loss of my sense of normalcy. I think adding to it is the lack of sleep, escalating my emotions, and I find myself crying at the most random of times. I can’t help but think that if Dad had passed during this season instead of the last, Mom wouldn’t have had the comfort that she did in that time. Her community of friends and church family wouldn’t have been allowed to come over and comfort her. Moreover, we wouldn’t have been able to have the memorial service like we did. It may seem odd, but I truly think that people received Christ at that service, and that is how they are going to make it through this season. Mom seems to think Dad would not have done well in this time, that he would be one of the extra cautious people who buy mounds of toilet paper from Costco. I can see it actually, him having the whole garage as a stockpile for cleaning supplies, canned goods and toilet paper. But knowing the generous man he was, he would have given it away to all the neighbours and people in need.
So that gold that I talked about, I’m starting to see it now. I’m 7 weeks into this pandemic and my eyes are opening to see what God is doing around me and in me. Prayer I think is one of the most evident good things that has come out of this. A passion for prayer is being stirred up on the inside of His people and it’s beautiful to see. A reverence for His creation is being recognized more so than ever before. Like, we can’t believe how beautiful the trees are, or how breathtaking the mountains are. The fact that we live in the most gorgeous part of the planet and didn’t really notice it before, but now we are seeing God’s hand on all of it. I have a new appreciation for hugs, like the good hugs that last more than two seconds. The ones where you feel as if peace is transferring from the other person into you. Man, am I excited to give people hugs one day hopefully soon.
Alleya, you are strong, you are loved, and you are going to be okay. Actually, better than okay. And on the days that you feel weak, press into God. And the days where you feel strength, press into God. Breathe in and welcome Holy Spirit into your everyday. I know that there have been ample seeds planted in this unprecedented season, and it’s our job to tend to them. So, continue to tend to the seed of prayer, the seed of awe and the seed of gratitude. God’s got you and your family and there is gold in the midst of the storm.
Love,
Alleya
