“I’m not where I should be by now.”
If this is a phrase familiar to you, you aren’t the only one.
A few years ago I ran a half-marathon. I am not an athletic person. My affinities lie in books, movies and napping, not sweating and moving. Regardless, I decided to do the darn thing somehow. The day of the marathon saw hundreds of participants ready to carpe diem. Everyone began at the very same time and the energy in the air was palpable. Even I found myself being carried away in the excitement and anticipation... at first. The halfway point of the marathon was marked to encourage runners on their journey; to carry on and push through the pain. It was meant to reignite the flame in fatigued participants. It had the opposite effect on me. As soon as I saw the crooked chalk line labeled 11km, I burst right into tears.
I cried partly because I was exhausted. Partly because I was hungry. But most of those tears were shed because when I looked around me, I saw no one. Everyone had run past me and I was all alone, completely left behind with so much left to go. Being so far from everyone else had me wanting to call it quits.
“Running the race” is cliché metaphor for a lot of life’s lessons and with good reason. Both marathons and life require stamina, endurance and foresight. This panic and pressure I felt to catch up to everyone else is mirrored in my everyday life.
"However, if I had not understood the scope of what was at stake beyond the race, I honestly might not have crossed that finish line. It wasn’t about catching up, it was about keeping on."
We do a lot of crazy things to avoid feeling left behind, don’t we? We buy items we don’t need. We put ourselves into debt. We stay in toxic relationships. We adjust our taste, hobbies and appearance. We shut down and stop trying. The idea of being the last one out is abhorrent because it is a lonely place to be. Thankfully, life is not a literal race. Success is not measured by being the fastest, strongest and first. There’s no such thing. The person ahead of you is not the one you’re keeping up with. They aren’t the one you ought to follow.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Deuteronomy 31:8
If ever you look at your life and feel like you are lacking, that you aren’t as far as you expected to be, ask yourself this question:
“Who am I following?”
God is not in competition with you. He goes before you to pave the path and runs alongside you through every bump, corner and straightaway.
Spoilers: I did not quit the half-marathon.
I was not running entirely for myself but on behalf of a community of women to raise funds for women in Northern Uganda who had been terrorized by LRA rebel soldiers. If this sounds a little like a humblebrag, I’m okay with that. I can honestly say it’s one of those few things I can look back on and feel proud of. However, if I had not understood the scope of what was at stake beyond the race, I honestly might not have crossed that finish line. It wasn’t about catching up, it was about keeping on.
This is a lesson that is applicable to all areas of my life. I have felt the pressure of trying to live a life on par with everyone else. The burden can be soul crushing. I find relief by taking my focus from the crowd and instead following the one who follows me. When I remember that God is close, I can always run a little further, a little harder and with more perspective.
ELIZA BIASON
